Last weekend at my family reunion, my cousin Kathy mentioned that one of her doctor’s offices told her that they can’t accommodate the apostrophe in her last name anymore. Their computer system doesn’t allow the apostrophe in O’Kane. As Kathy told the woman working at that office, you can’t just change the spelling of someone’s last name. When you spell it OKane or Okane, you change more than the spelling. You erase the ethnicity of the name. You change the pronunciation.
Growing up an O’Kane, it seemed the easiest name to say or spell to me. I mean, you say it as it is spelled. Yet, people would always ask how to spell it or pronounce it wrong. I went to vacation bible school with a friend and the teacher there called me “Eileen Oaken.” That’s 0 for 2 names said correctly. Then I would get “O-Cahn-nee” like it was Hawaiian. Mispronouncing my last name took away who my identity.
Now that I’m a Motley (with O’Kane as my middle name), I still get the mispronunciation. Again, most people have seen the word “motley” before, yet they want to say “Moat-ly.” When people ask how to spell it, I will say “Motley, like in crue (crew)”. Then they get it. We’ve sat through many an awards ceremony only to have one of the kids names called out incorrectly. It’s a bit deflating.
The other major name changing news in my world is the renaming of my high school. The Fairfax County School Board has recently voted to rename my high school, J.E.B Stuart High School to Justice High. This decision has caused quite a stir on the alumni boards on Facebook resulting in name calling and crazy, angry arguments. I no longer live in that community and therefore, I feel I no longer have a voice on the name change. If the people in that community feel it is important, then it is.
A few alums, who are famous (and don’t live there as far as I know), voiced their opinion that the name should be changed. Their name recognition might have brought attention to this whole name change idea but they have a right to express their opinion. If people believe that the opinion of famous people are more important or carry more weight than their own, that’s another issue. Famous people can express their opinions too.
Seems to me the real issue for current Fairfax County residents is the fact that there was a community poll taken on new name ideas, which the school board ignored and on top of that, the county seems to have made the directive to change the name with no idea how to pay for it. Outside of a request for donations, which seems crazy. This is the tip of the iceberg in the county as so many other school names might now need to be changed. There needs to be a plan on how to change and fund the changes, if that’s what the local communities want.
Watching the craziness around the renaming of the high school goes to show names matter, your own and those you feel attached to, whatever the reason. A school name really means little, it’s the people who made it the place it was. No one can take away those bonds unless you let them. On the other hand, if someone randomly decides to change the spelling of your name, that’s something to argue about because the dropping of one little apostrophe can change your whole identity. Aloha!
spooningwithsmokey 
I feel ya— Keyser was never pronounced Kizer in the south. Balas iwas never Bay-liss and so now I am thrilled to have Baker as my surname. However, I cannot get over how often I am asked to spell it! Hooked on phonics people-come on!
Poor Molly who went from O’Kane to Tew — and whose given name is actually Mary, but was never from the instant she was born ever called anything other than “Molly” (thank you to the grandparent generation who insisted Molly was not a proper first name, but just a nickname). Every legal event requires conscious effort to remember to sign Mary rather than Molly and often requires additional name affidavits. More mundane events have so far been solved by making Molly’s name “Mary Molly” rather than Mary Nora.
Now one would think Tew is the easiest of names to pronounce when viewed in print (on school rosters, award ceremonies, etc., etc.). I mean other than “sew” (pronounced like “so”) are their any other words in the English language where “ew” is pronounced other than “oo?” For example, dew, few, hew, Jew, Kew (as in Kew Gardens, the Royal Gardens at Kew in London), mew, new, and pew. And yet, we have had our last name pronounced “too-ee,” “toe,” and my personal favorite “twee.” For pronunciation purposes, we attempt,”Tew, like the number,” but even this fails or takes more than a moment to be processed. My father famously took to saying on the phone or anywhere the name need to be provided and written down . . . “Tew — T as in Thomas, E as in Easy, W as in William.” This led to the first detention in my life when entering a new school in a new state in the 8th grade. The teacher overseeing study hall in the school library on the first day of school entertained the assembled kids by massacreing the last name, “Too-ee”, “Toe,” and even a first for me at the time “Twee.” As the tittering died down I stood, turned around and faced her and said slowly and carefully as if speaking to a total dunce, “That is Tew, like the number. T as in Thomas, E as in easy, W as in William.” When I got some laughs she turned red and said, “Well Mr. T as in Thoms, E as in easy, W as in William, go wait for me in the Principal’s Office.” And thus the first detention ever that turned into three days when I refused to be punished for having stood up to a bullying teacher and got on the bus and went home. One day of detention became three when I refused the second invitation to detention the next day. The ultimate negotiation resulted in me having to (as my parents insisted) “respect a teacher” despite her having failed to respect me” and so I served three days detention and developed a hate for school and a definite distain for anyone who thinks they are owed respect based simply on position or title rather than earning respect. [Do you hear me “Twit Who Tweets?”]
Sooo, great post and I feel your pain!