Three days into March and I’m done with it.

March 1 we had Super Scary Tuesday. Scary because Trump won in so many places. His own party is freaking out. This morning Trump called into “Good Morning America” and proceeded to talk about his support for the use of waterboarding. Like all his other crap wasn’t bad enough. Bringing back the use of torture? Wow. That’s going to make America great again? Ugh.

Tuesday someone rear ended my niece on 95 and instead of pulling over, took off. Nice. As I was typing her a text sympathizing with a explanation of how some people were just a-holes and there wasn’t much anyone could do about it, my favorite a-hole, Siri, changed my x’s and o’s I had typed at the end of the message to the word “coo” making it look, once again, that I can’t send a comprehensible text. I fixed Siri – I changed the voice to an Australian male. At least when he annoys me, it will sound sexy.

Maybe I can’t type so well in text messages because I’m getting old, a point that was clearly revealed to me this past weekend when I realized that this year marks the 30^th anniversary of me graduating from college. To drive this point home, my sister happened to send an article about how one of the dorms I lived in, which was relatively new at the time, is being torn down to build a newer dorm. That’s a one-two punch in the gut. You are old and so old, places you lived have to be torn down.

Real March Madness will be starting soon. At least for a bit, we can forget the craziness of the election and focus on something else for a bit. Focus on our favorite team where being an old fan is just as wonderful as being a young one, where the only torture is seeing our brackets collapse and when rabid fans turn into a-holes, just for a few weeks and then return to normal. I can’t wait!

It’s hard to believe that Kathryn is 16 tomorrow. The time has flown by. Doesn’t seem that long ago that we were at Georgetown Hospital waiting for Coco, the name her sister suggested for the baby and the one we used the whole time I was pregnant, to be born. Kathryn arrived in the world in the midst of a strange winter thunderstorm. Like the wild lightening that night, she’s lit up our world for the last 16 years.

Lots has changed over the last 16 years –

The Wiggles concert and other local favorites are now One Direction and Ed Sheeran events.

The child who thought her motorized Barbie car went too fast, is learning to drive.

Outings to play at Froggie Land at the mall are now shopping trips designed to spend my money.

The Elmo phone has been replaced with an IPhone.

I said tonight at dinner that I remember when she was sweet. She responded “Yesterday?” Yeah, right.

Some days I’m amazed at who she’s become. Guess I’m not as bad of an influence as I thought! Actually, it’s probably more of Mike’s influence that she’s a decent person. Who am I kidding? Not too long ago for a baby shower, we were all asked to give some words of wisdom. Today I thought about what I wrote, as I reminisced about the “old days” and thought about the all that’s happened over these year. It struck me that the ideas hold true for newborns or those about to be new drivers:.

1. Don’t let squabbles with friends and family prevent your child from having a relationship with them. No child can have too many people who love and care for them.
2. Whether advice is given to you from a stranger in the store or someone you know, remember it almost always comes from a good place. Take and use what you can and ignore the rest.
3. Some days the best you can do is have everyone dressed and fed. Don’t sweat it.
4. If people offer you help, take it. No shame in accepting a helping hand. Might be a dinner when you bring home the baby or a ride for your child later. Don’t be a martyr, accept the offer.
5. Every kid is different. Stop worrying and comparing and just enjoy them for who they are.

Today and every day,  I’m thankful the smart, sassy and yes, sweet daughter of mine. The one who loves animals, wants to drive a VW hippie van, is the family historian and the one who shares my sense of humor – Happy Birthday Kathryn!

At Mass on Wednesday, the priest was discussing giving alms.  In Lent, you are supposed to pray, fast and give alms which involves giving to others as an act of virtue, either materially or in the sense of providing capabilities.  He emphasized the importance of giving alms silently, not for a shout out or thanks. This reminded me of another issue I have with our current school system – the requirement of completing service hours to graduate.

On the surface it seems like requiring students to complete service hours is a good idea. Unfortunately, in my opinion, what started as a good idea, has backfired. Instead of instilling a sense of service, giving back or helping others, this requirement has created years of kids growing up thinking they shouldn’t do anything unless they get something. In this case, it is service hours. And it isn’t just the kids, it’s the parents too and I’ve been guilty of it as well.

With a requirement of 78 service hours to graduate, some kids struggle to make it. Others, like those involved in Scouts or other activities, find it easy. You get hours for doing anything from picking weeds during Outdoor Education to helping make copies for a PTA meeting. Most kids, being kids, look for the easiest way to get the hours. And if you ask a student to do something, they almost always reply “Do I get service hours for it?”

If I were to have the ear of the new superintendent, I would tell him the following:

You are not creating active citizens. You are creating brats. You are creating generations of kids who think if they hold the door open for someone, they deserve a prize. If you want to get kids learn the importance of service and being an active member of their community, this requirement needs to be rethought. How about helping kids learn where their passion lies and what they can do to not only follow that passion but share it with others? Maybe in the 6^th grade (when it all starts), they could spend time thinking through their interests and research opportunities. Each year as they grow and change, they could go through the same practice – research and try it out.

If they like music, they could volunteer to teach kids their instrument or play for folks. If they like computers, how about tutoring kids after school or going to a senior community and helping them Skype with their loved ones? Love animals? There are plenty of opportunities to help animals from supply drives to actually caring for them. You like to read? How about reading out loud to the blind? The stuff they get hours for now won’t really translate into long-term satisfying service or long term satisfaction you get from being involved in something you really care about.

I hope I’m showing by example to my kids. Showing that if you get involved in things you care about, it doesn’t feel like a chore. It’s a mutually beneficial relationship. Sure, everyone does the one-offs, bake sales etc. for schools and that’s important too. If you are involved with a group, you have to support it. I hope I’m showing that too. Sometimes it is a bit crazy, remembering at 11pm you were supposed to bake something but hey, that’s real life. So is the cursing that follows…

Our family project this Lent is to de-junk. A bag or more of something each week to charity. I’ve got my first bag ready and honestly, it’s less of a sacrifice than if I’d given up sweets or alcohol. But, I’m hoping the act goes beyond a religious requirement and sets an example of helping others while getting nothing in return.

I hate this time of year when Kathryn has to pick classes for the following school year. So many choices and yet, there seem to be none. Her class path was picked out for her probably in the 6^th grade. And, should she venture off that path, the message she gets is that it will hurt her chances to get into college.

In the US, there are what, thousands of colleges but because she doesn’t take a certain class, no one will take her? Because our county is going to stop requiring final exams, she won’t get in anywhere? Stop telling my kid she’s not getting into college!

Just to explain my point of view – I believe a college education is good but not everyone is interested in pursuing that type of schooling and that’s ok. While a college graduate does have many opportunities, so do other paths so the constant pressure on high school kids (and younger) isn’t always beneficial. Also, there’s a college for everyone if you are interested in going. Sure, there are constraints – grades, finances and location, but really, regardless if you are 1^st in your class or somewhere in the middle, there’s a place for you on the college scene.

No one will ever mistake me for a Tiger Mom or even a Helicopter parent. Maybe because Kathryn is the fourth child to go through all this or maybe because it’s gotten so crazy part of me has shut down so I don’t get sucked up in the vortex, I just try keep a level head about her future. Sure, I can be a mama bear when needed but I’m basically hands-off. Why?

Because college or trade school or work or whatever is HER future, HER dreams. I see my role as a parent as a facilitator. I’m here to help guide her, connect her with information or people to assist her and listen and offer advice, but I’m not going to be writing college applications, or steering her to the school or career of my dreams. I’ll push her when needed and tell her to relax when she needs that said too. Homework is her job and if she doesn’t do it, she knows the consequences. Sure, I can try and help, but I can’t even pronounce most of the vocabulary words from Spanish or understand her math assignments. And I will also tell her, that no one school will make or break your future. And if you don’t take Spanish 4, guess what? All will be well.

Yesterday we were discussing next year’s schedule and she said she wanted to take another class instead of Spanish 4 but her teachers were pushing for Spanish.  I said I thought that was fine to take the other class but if she was concerned, she should take a look at a few college websites and see what the requirements are. That way, regardless of what she decided, she would have all the facts.

After I said that I wondered if I was being too easy, not pushing her etc. So I said to Kathryn “All I can offer is that when you are my age, you won’t remember what Spanish class you took or likely anything from it.” Kathryn responded “Obviously.”  Then I realized with a smile, I’m doing ok with her. If only there was a Smart Ass University, she’d not worry so much.

Tomorrow we are celebrating Smokey’s 10^th birthday. We don’t know his actual birth date but Kathryn picked this because it was around the time the vet said he was born and it is her birthday month too. That’s important when you are 6 and set the date.

During the recent blizzard, we had a serious discussion on how to celebrate this milestone, proving that pet owners are crazy AND being cooped up in the house can result in odd conversations.

It is hard to remember life before Smokey and in honor of his big day, I thought I would share 10 factoids about him.

1. Smokey is a proud graduate of Puppy Kindergarten and has a certificate to prove it. Sadly, he had to drop out of the 1^st grade because of his propensity to get car sick. He would get sick on the way there, fill up on treats during the training and then unload in the car on the way home. We decided to spare ourselves the trouble and home school him.
2. Smokey came from my friend Monique, who got him initially for her now mother in law. Unfortunately, he wasn’t exactly the type of dog that she wanted, so Monique was looking for a good home for him. We had always said that we wouldn’t get a dog until the cats we had passed away but those two cats were a hearty lot – living to be 18 and 19 respectively – so with no Rainbow Bridge in sight for them, we decided to go ahead and take the plunge.
   

   He was so small and cute!

3. When Monique got him, his name was Shadow. She renamed him Smokey. He will also answer to “Smoke”, “Smacky” or “Angel.” Sometimes when I come home and ask “Where’s my angel?” Kathryn gets mixed up and thinks I’m talking about her. When he went to day care while our kitchen was being redone, they gave him the nickname “Love Bug.”
4. The first night Smokey came here, he was so small and pitiful, he slept in our bed. He’s never left it.
5. Smokey is a good sport. Until just a few years ago, he always was dressed in a Halloween costume to complement Kathryn’s costume. We still put him in a variety of clothes which he tolerates.
   

   Everyone should be a blonde at least once!

6. Smokey has a few phobias – brooms, vacuums, beer bottles and laundry baskets. I still need to ask Mo about his early childhood.
7. Smokey does not appreciate musical instruments. He’s been known to wail while Kathryn practices her flute and just the sight of her mini-accordion, causes him to start to whimper until he erupts into a crescendo of howling when she starts playing.
8. Smokey is up for anything – naps, walks, eating or playing. He’s glad to spend a lazy day watching “Law and Order” and just as happy if you take him out for a long walk or a game of ball.
   

   He prefers running beside the sled than riding on it!

9. When we had the cats, they would sit on or under a bench we have in the living room and wait for him to walk by to smack or grab him. He finally stopped going near the bench and five years after both cats are gone, he still avoids the bench.

10. Smokey has a secret passion for whipped cream from the can. If he hears it being used, he runs from wherever he is for a taste. He’s also taken up stealing food from the table in his old age. 

Everyone thinks they have the greatest dog and they are right. Today I’m glad to honor our favorite four-legged family member. I used an online calculator to find out Smokey is roughly 65 in human years. 10 or 65, it is all the same to him – tomorrow will be a great day, with lots of love and maybe a little bit of whipped cream on top!

Awards season has started and like most years, I have not seen any of the nominated movies. It appears that my taste in movies is not award-winning. A few years ago I decided that I was no longer going to see any movie that was about war, religion (who needs to see another movie on Noah’s Ark?) or a remake. Given those three rules and a general dislike of most sci-fi and super violent movies, I’m down to about 3 movies of interest a year. I exaggerate, but honestly, it does cut the number down substantially. When I go to the movies, I like to laugh. I like a good thriller. I like a good story.

I’m not a fan of prequels and sequels. Especially ones that are out of order.

I’m not someone who appreciates the cinematography or the like. I apologize to my cousin Mark for this statement because as a cameraman I’m sure he made movies look great, I just didn’t notice.  Nice scenery is nice scenery and that’s about as deep as it gets for me.

I don’t need to think about a movie for days afterwards and have it change my life. If it entertained me for a few hours, I’m happy.

All these award shows are filled with controversy. Either the winners get up and give some odd speech or people are unhappy with the winner etc. Why do we even watch these shows or care? I understand that some people will boycott the Oscars this year for lack of diversity in the nominations.

I would have an educated opinion on this if I’d seen some of the movies, but why should any lack of information stop me from giving my thoughts?  It does seem sad, in 2016, that movies aren’t always reflective of the world we live in. I’m not sure why color or race makes a difference in a movie because all you need is a good actor/actress to draw you in – that’s not color/race specific. So, if a boycott helps people see past color or race when casting a film, I’m all for it.

I will be boycotting the event myself. Not for political reasons but for a shear lack of interest. With any luck, one of the classic movies will be on. I mean, really, can you see Dirty Dancing too many times?

Last Saturday, I was heading out for a bit of a road trip and decided to find some CDs to bring in the car in case the audio book I had was a dud. I came across a huge CD holder in the basement and just took the whole thing in the car with me. I had a glorious time playing a vast variety of music. I never even bothered with the audio book.

One of the CDs was Todd Rundgren’s greatest hits. I have a few of his songs on my Ipod/phone but not a lot and since my car isn’t equipped to easily play my Itunes song, I rarely hear him. I had been playing him in my car on my way back from lunch yesterday and decided to find more of his music on YouTube. I have Pandora and some people seem to really create great stations there but I find I end up using it like the radio – switching when I don’t like a song so, it becomes a distraction. I can find album or concerts on Youtube and I’m less inclined to fool with them one they are on, so at work, I can put it on, plug in my earphones and I’m good to go.

As I was searching for Todd music I came across a session he did with Daryl Hall (of Hall and Oates fame) and found that Daryl has this whole series of videos where he plays with other musicians at his home. I never really thought about Daryl Hall as a musician but these videos showcase his talent and versatility. Additionally, he plays with a huge assortment of musicians from Rundgren to Jose Feliciano, to CeeLo Green. They do versions of their own hits and cover songs of others. Daryl and Jose do an interesting version of “Fire and Rain” with a faster tempo.

One of the things I love about musicians is their generosity of talent and appreciation of other people’s abilities. Somehow, no matter how different their music might be, there’s a common ground and when I see people I don’t think would necessarily ever play together do so, and I see how they enjoy it, I find it magical.

I listened to a number of the videos yesterday. This was one of my favorite. I have no idea who Finger Eleven is, probably since they’ve recorded after 1989, but I loved this version of a classic and the scenery in the video.

I encourage you to check out Daryl’s site http://www.livefromdarylshouse.com/  or look for videos on YouTube.  When I win PowerBall tonight, I’m going to quit my job, find Daryl’s house and offer to be a beer wench or tambourine player – anything to hang in this setting and hear these sessions live.

Well, is everyone ready to unveil their New Year’s resolutions? Last year mine was to try. Just try to do better. By design, that’s a wide enough definition to allow for success. And with a semi-objective view, I’ve succeeded.

This Christmas Eve, God called home one of the best, Betty Mahaffey, my friends Laura and Katie’s mom. In making the announcement about her passing, Katie wrote “She lived exuberantly, laughed freely, and loved wastefully.” I immediately thought two things: what a great tribute and wow, that describes a life well lived.

So this year, I’m going to aim to do the same.

Live exuberantly – full of unrestrained enthusiasm or joy. This will be a challenge but there’s joy in most days. It’s just a matter of recognizing it or re-framing a situation to see it.

Laugh freely – this I truly have down but maybe I’ll work on laughing with others versus at them. But reality-TV stars are still fair game.

Love wastefully– honestly, why not?

Of course, I’m taking on this hefty resolution in a year that has an extra day. Re-framing that, it’s an extra day of joy. See, I’m off to a great start.

Wishing everyone a very happy, healthy, and joyful New Year. According to a number of recent postings on Facebook, it looks like a year of love, money and in some cases, babies, for many of my friends. I can’t wait to share it all with you!

With 10 days left until Christmas, I guess Santa is done checking his list. I think I might have made the “Tried” list. I need something in the middle of naughty and nice. I hope Santa has his act together better than I do. How does a holiday sneak up on you when you know about it all year long?

This time of year makes me skip down memory lane to the days I worked in the shopping center management world organizing things like Santa Claus and Easter Bunny. The first mall I worked at, Azalea Mall, had a long tradition of a Christmas parade the weekend before Thanksgiving. There were quite a number of bands, police on horses, characters and other local groups that participated in the parade that eneded with the arrival of Santa on a firetruck

We had a few Santas that worked during the season. We had a wonderful man and his wife (who played Mrs. Claus and helped with the pictures) during the week, a different Santa at night and a few over the weekend. Long before digital cameras, we had the Polaroid cameras and you had to order film and picture holders for the season in August. Santa costumes had to be cleaned and beards pulled from storage, washed and dried. There’s a whole business to Santa Claus.

One year we had a Santa who needed no padding. Three times he split his pants. I would come in on Monday morning to find his pants on my desk with a note “It’s cold out and you don’t want Santa to freeze his balls off, please mend my pants.” The first time it was funny, the second it was worthy of an eye-roll and the third time I wanted to cry. We had another Santa that begged to work the “Breakfast with Santa” event and then came so hungover the smell of breakfast was making his gag.

Azalea Mall wasn’t the top tier of malls and we needed something a bit different to bring in business. I came up with the idea of having a Santa for the deaf. My sister knew someone with ties to the deaf community and she introduced me to a group that helped me find a Santa that could sign and also help spread the word. We weren’t sure if lots of people would show or what, but we really did have a good turnout. Interestingly enough, we had more deaf adults than kids. They came because they had never been able to visit with Santa. The newspaper came out to cover the event. A sliver of feel-good in the otherwise crazy world of the retail during Christmas.

If you haven’t already heard or read David Sedaris’ “Santaland Diaries” I urged you to do so this year. Sedaris tells the story of his experience as an Elf at Macy’s. It is such a wonderful behind the scene glimpse of the nuttiness of the whole business of Santa. You won’t look at a mall or store Santa again in the same way. Listen or read it here.

I think I’ll close tonight with a link to one of my favorite Christmas songs.

It’s been a heavy-hearted week, hasn’t it? These are the weeks I hate Facebook. Everyone taking a side, putting up whatever it is they can find to prove their point. It’s ugly.

This week’s attack is hard to comprehend. A man gets angry at his work party, goes home, get his wife, drops off their baby and comes back to slaughter his coworkers of 5 years. Did he pick a fight so he could carry this out? Was his wife just crazy so when he came home angry she was ready to pounce? Will we ever really know?

What I do know is that instead of coming together, looking for common ground in the various viewpoints of the how and why this happened, and using that landing spot as a starting point, we are pointing fingers, arming ourselves and wrapping ourselves in a self-righteous cloak of religious bigotry. As I see the number of posts on Facebook about how people are going to arm themselves against the Muslims and heard about Falwell’s speech last night, I feel sick.

A few times this week, I’ve caught myself humming this song. Funny how the subconscious works. I obviously recognize that we have major issues here in America, but teaching my kids to hate and fear isn’t the way to solve the problems we face. Some of us will have to agree to disagree on this point and that’s ok. But I’m hoping at some point, as Americans we will stop the grandstanding, and come together with good intentions of hearing each other, compromising where we can and uniting to face the threats and challenges, domestically and internationally, that we face. This is the example and lesson I want to teach my children.