A few weeks ago, my friend Shauna put up a Facebook status addressing mental illness and her battle with it. As someone who had recently been hospitalized under a suicide watch, she wanted to let others who are suffering know they are not alone and that better days are ahead. She posted this following a number of young adult suicides in her hometown. As she said herself, she is loved, smart, and from the outside, so put together. I would add talented and funny to the list as well. People probably wouldn’t have guessed her struggles and by sharing them, she hoped to give others the ability to speak up, get help and know they aren’t alone.

Since I met her a few years ago, I have had great admiration of her for her industrious nature, her never ending self-motivation, for seeming so self-assured, and her post came as a shock to me.

Today, another friend was featured in an article on suicide in The Irish Times.  (http://www.irishtimes.com/news/education/suicide-and-schools-it-s-okay-to-talk-about-it-1.2374738)

Vicky, like Shauna, is a wonderfully talented, cherished, funny and intelligent woman.  She’s overcome challenging teenage years, as detailed in the article and from the outside looking in, she’s got it together. And yet, this fabulous lady tried to kill herself a few years back.

Unlike Shauna’s post, I knew this article was coming. Vicky told everyone so I was prepared but still heartbroken for her as I had been reading Shauna’s post. I already have great respect for these two and these brave statements have only added to that sentiment.

After I read Shauna’s post. It reminded me of some lyrics from the song “Come into My World”

“Come into my world

So lovely from the outside

So dark in here the demons dance and twirl

And find their pleasure frightening this girl

If you are brave then come into my world”

With courageous people stepping forward, sharing their journeys with mental disease, we should all be able to talk more freely about it. And so, for the same reason Shauna and Vicky shared their stories, I share them again, because if anyone is suffering, know that there is help and there is hope. And for those of us who love and care for them, let’s be brave and come into their world.

Storms have been the major topic of conversation this week. First there was the literal one, the Nor’easter hitting the East Coast with the threat of a Hurricane right behind it. At least in the DC area, we’ve lucked out and the Hurricane has moved out to sea, leaving only the Nor’eater for us but we are still stuck with the political storms.

At the beginning of the week, was the threat of a government shut down over the funding of Planned Parenthood. Sadly, we have a group of elected officials who for many years now, has not bothered to work on a budget but instead likes to wait until the last minute to pass a short-term measure to keep the government going. No time for the budget but they have time to hear about deflatgate or some other ridiculous issue. Or, they actually do close the government, like they did a few years ago.

Personally, I think beneath all the BS about Planned Parenthood there is a prejudice against the organization because lower income women, as well as many others, use its services. Sure there’s opposition because of the abortions PP does, but that is a pretty low percentage of the services they provide. I think people don’t think the poor should be out having sex and having kids. But, then again, if they decide on an abortion, that’s bad too. Do I think people should use abortion as birth control? No. Do I think people should have kids they can’t afford? No, but it happens and I would imagine most people hope to move themselves out of that situation to be able to provide for their family.

How often do we hear about how those on welfare or food stamps or any public assistance are lazy, taking advantage of the system etc? Sure, there are abuses but are abuses of a system really limited to the poor?  Our Congressional representatives are well paid and they don’t do their jobs. Isn’t that a rip off Is it more acceptable because they are dressed for success?

Another storm that hit his week was the revelation that Pope Francis had met with Kim Davis, the clerk from KY, who won’t do her job. Personally, I don’t care if the Pope met with SpongeBob, he’s allowed to chat with anyone he pleases. It means nothing to me because, as I’ve said before, he’s one voice in the world of many. Did I see it as an endorsement of her behavior? Not really because I would suspect, given his beliefs, he’s already on her side. Additionally, Pope Francis sent a letter asking for clemency for a death row inmate scheduled to die this week. It doesn’t surprise me that he wouldn’t support the death penalty although I’m not sure it is his place to get involved but he might as well try and ride the good will he earned while here in the States.

Interesting thing about the death penalty, according to Pew Research, 77% of Republicans favor the death penalty. And yet, I thought they were pro-life. Guess that’s only for the unborn. But, this same group was willing to shut the government, put many people in difficult financial situations, because they are great defenders of life, protecting the innocent. How about innocent people who are wrongly convicted? That’s when that whole “eye for an eye” thing gets a little dicey.

And last but not least, are the gun control issues that we as Americans refuse to address. Lots of excuses and hiding behind the Constitution. I can’t understand as a law-abiding citizen why anyone opposes a waiting period for a background check. If I wanted a gun to go hunting, for example, I could wait two days. Not like the deer is going to stay in my yard or in the woods in the same place while I run out and get a gun.

Put up your umbrella folks. There are many storms ahead.

As a Catholic, having the Pope visit and receive such a warm welcome is encouraging. In a time where religion divides us, here is a man who brings people together.  Not everyone is warm and fuzzy about the Pope. I find this interesting, especially from other Christians, because if anyone is bringing us all back to what it means to follow Christ, to be a Christian, I think it is Pope Francis.

While others are referring to him as the Prince of Peace, he certainly is not asking for that title. He’s out having lunch with the homeless, visiting prisoners in jail, taking time for the less fortunate and giving those with mental and physical disabilities, a voice. So why the disdain?

I worked with a woman who told me that Catholicism was a cult. When I asked if she realized I was Catholic, she said yes. I replied “Well, it’s a good thing I was raised in the Catholic church, and learned to turn the other cheek, or I might have to kick your ass.” I laughed heartily showing I was kidding and she laughed while probably thinking “I knew those cults were violent.”

She’s not alone in viewing the Catholic church warily. Others don’t believe Catholics are Christian. This seems to stem around the fact we weren’t big bible readers. True, there was an era, the time I was growing up, where we didn’t do a lot of bible reading. The idea was the priest would interpret the bible for us at Mass. Those days are over and so you might have a generation of us that are not that bible savvy, but you see many bible study groups at Catholic churches these days.

People see the Catholic church as a sign of corruption and abuse of power and wealth. Well, I think it is fair to say that there has been those things but the Catholics don’t have the market on sexual abuse or money being the root of all evil. That’s why Pope Francis is refreshing – he’s not taken on the pageantry that other Popes had done. He’s taken a look at the issues and is working toward addressing them. Is it perfect and timely? No, but he’s moving forward in truth instead of denial.

The  Pope addressed Congress and I heard rumblings of anger about that and what he said. Guess what? He’s one voice of many. You don’t have to like what he says. But if his words of taking care of people and the world make you uncomfortable, you might need to reflect on that.

This seems to be a time for all Christians to rally – to show the world that being Christian isn’t all about judging others who aren’t Christian or your type of Christian. Time to show the world that Christianity is about actions, not reciting bible verses and then doing whatever you please. Sure, the Catholic church may not represent your beliefs etc. but the Pope is hopefully representing something that is universal “Do unto others.”

One day at lunch we got talking to the strangest things we’ve come across at work. There was a wide range of experiences. Coworkers dying at their desks, people being arrested, people getting stuck in the elevators etc. I think the most interesting was the day the FBI and ATF raided the accountant’s office where I was working.

I had quit my special events job at the mall when I got a new, crazy boss and decided mental health meant more than money to me. The accountant that did our books offered me employment doing data entry and basic office work. The idea was that I could look for another job while working and helping him out during tax season. It was a win-win for us both.

As I was sitting at my desk waiting on one of our restaurant clients to come bring their books and breakfast for us, in walk 5 men, dressed in dark suits, flashing badges. My reaction was more disappointment that my breakfast wasn’t being delivered than interest in these men. They were quite serious, explaining to me they were there to execute a search warrant and asking was my boss there. He was actually at home waiting on a repairman but we had to call him and ask him to come in.

One of our clients was a pair of brothers who owned two or three adult bookstores in the Richmond area. They were actually quite nice and with the profits, were putting a third brother through med school. Because people who work in these types of stores aren’t always the most reliable, they would have COD deliveries shipped to our office and then they would swing by and get them.

Seems that people who lived near one of the stores had called in a false tip that child pornography was in the stores, hoping to get the stores shut down. This resulted in a simultaneous raid on all the stores and our offices because we received shipments. As we waited for my boss to arrive, one of the agents showed me a list of titles they were looking for and asked if I’d ever seen them. Me, being me, started laughing. The titles were the most ridiculous things and I was frantically trying to burn them into my memory so I could share them later. My favorite was “Little Oral Annie” which I thought of as the play “Annie” made the rounds in our elementary and high school drama productions, local theater and on the big screen not that long ago.

My agent friend did not find anything funny about this whole thing and in all seriousness, given it was child porn, neither did I. But I do appreciate creatively when I see it. It was a very long morning as we had to sit there while they went through our whole office and interview my boss. And breakfast never arrived.

At lunchtime, with no end in sight, I was allowed out to pick up lunch for everyone. This, only after it was explained to the agents that “She knows nothing, really NOTHING.” It was stated like I was a complete idiot but I could have cared less, I could leave the office. This being the 80’s though, there were no cell phones etc to alert the world what was going on which was what I so wanted to do. I got back from the sandwich run but then everyone needed drinks. We had a machine in the hallway and so once again, I was sent out to get the drinks. One agent did not have enough change so I offered to kick in the five cents he was short. This was treated as if I had offered him the biggest bribe ever and flatly refused. Fine with me, no drink for you.

In the end, they found nothing. Not at our offices and not in any stores. While I don’t know if this is still true, these stores would order lots of movies, not specific titles, so some companies would throw in the illegal movies. The raids made the news that evening and the papers the next day, but with no contraband found, the whole thing quickly faded. Faded from the headlines, but not for me, who to this day, laughs about Little Oral Annie.

Just another week in American politics – Hulk Hogan, a former professional wrestler, is willing to consider being a Vice President candidate should Donald Trump ask him. Meanwhile, as if our election process wasn’t long enough, Kanye West announced he’d be running for President in 2020. I almost feel sorry for Kris Jenner, who built  the Kardashian empire and now has to deal with his antics. She has learned the hard way with him that the old adage “any publicity is good publicity” is not true.

In another political battle, a clerk in Kentucky is refusing to issue marriage licenses to gay couples citing it goes against her religious beliefs and therefore violates her religious freedom. As an elected official, she swore to uphold the law, but in her case, they didn’t realize that came with the caveat of her upholding only the laws she supports. Doesn’t work that way and she’s currently in jail. She’s an easy target for ridicule having a bit of a checkered past, but she’s found God and changed her ways and now believes in a different lifestyle than the one she had. Fair enough. But that doesn’t allow you to not perform your job. If someone worked in procurement for the government and was asked to purchase guns for the military, would we see so much support if he/she claimed to have a religious objection to war, if he/she were in essence a pacifist? Probably not. Hiding behind the bible is most popular when is supports some prejudicial view.

Our problems seem trivial when you see the heartbreaking photos out of Europe of the migrants and refugees struggling to find a new place to call home. It was no surprise to me when I saw the FB post from my friend Maev McDaid that said she was in action, working to organize supplies etc. in response to the urgent calls for supplies to Calais. Maev is a real champion for those without a voice. She was the first person I saw that posted about gathering supplies etc. and that was no surprise.  Unlike our county clerk friend, who believes denying licenses for gay marriages is going to please God, Maev is actually doing the kinds of things I believe God is looking for us to do. I don’t know if Maev is motivated by religion, by her strong sense of right and wrong, or just a passion to change the world for the better but I will take her kind of conviction any day.

Happy National Dog Day! Like so many other people living with dogs, I have to think everyday seems like their day. But why shouldn’t it be? Who else is always thrilled to see you? Listens to you complain or rant and gives you an encouraging lick on the face to tell you he/she hears you? Who else will eat your cooking, even when it is a bomb? One special day isn’t too much to give.

As service dogs, dogs provide all kinds of help. I saw today where a dog was trained to detect computer devices etc. and it was a dog that found the thumb drive which contained the incriminating items on Jared Fogle, the disgraced former Subway spokesperson. Dogs can sense things. Maybe we need to put them in gun stores to weed out the nutjobs that are buying guns.

Yesterday brought the news of the 14 year old with a gun that held other students hostage in WV and today, two journalists were killed by a former coworker during live TV. Two young professionals mowed down before the shooter turned the gun on himself hours later.

It would be easy to harp on gun control laws but why bother? If the killings at Sandy Hook, the Colorado theater shootings and the countless other mass murders haven’t moved the needle on that, what will? So, I’d ask the Donald, if he can break away from insulting women, hyper-focusing on immigration and in general, acting like a bully, what will you do about mental health issues? Yep, mental health issues, because that seems to be at the root of most of these issues. People don’t have access to decent mental health and we have a system that doesn’t weave in mental health records with the database people use for background checks for guns. We live in a society that tries to hide mental health issues.  I’d like to hear your thoughts on that Donald. I would ask the other candidates, but no one else seems to be running. It’s all about Donald.

In other mental health news, it was reported Josh Duggar is entering a long-term treatment center for his porn and sexual addictions/issues. I sure hope that Josh gets the help he needs. Had his parents gotten him qualified help all those years ago, would Josh be tabloid fodder today? Hard to say but a society that embraces mental health help might make it easier for troubled individuals and their families to get the help they need. In the meantime, we need help protecting the innocent from them.

Dogs help people with PTSD. Maybe they could be taught to help with other issues too. Man’s best friend to the rescue. See, they do deserve their day today.

If you were an artist and your songs were played on music tapes in retail shops, would you consider that a honor? Guess as long as it pays, then it is good. Seems like you hear the same songs in Kohl’s or Safeway or wherever. “Baby Baby” by Amy Grant gets some decent airtime as does the song I’m picking today “Hold On” by Santana.

Growing up, we used to go to the dentist on Saturdays and “The Paul Harvey Show” was always on the radio. Like the dentist isn’t nerve-wracking enough, but you have this guy sucking you into a story and then leaving you high and dry waiting for “the rest of the story. The few times Paul wasn’t on, there was Muzak playing. This actually kept your mind off the actual dental work trying to guess the song without the lyrics. My current dentist plays normal radio and likes to chat about celebrity gossip. I still don’t like to go, but I like her a lot.

I can’t believe this marks my 100th entry in the Songs in the Key of MY Life. When I started, I was going to try and go for a year’s worth of songs but honestly, my IPod isn’t that rich with good songs. Thanks for reading my Songs series and I hope you’ve enjoyed hearing the music. Today, I’m retiring Songs and just moving ahead with my normal Spooning with Smokey blog. Music is a great party host –  a great facilitator of conversations and a great gateway to skipping down memory lane and sharing those memories. People don’t need to hear from me every day, just ask my family, they would love a day or two off every now and then. 🙂

Gosh, aren’t we all feeling a bit sorry for Anna Duggar, wife of Josh Duggar? First she weathered the release of the news that he had fondled his sisters and other girls and now, the revelation of his Ashley Madison account and porn addiction. She says she knew about the fondling and believed it was behind him, but what is she thinking now?

My friend Kathy posted an article on my Facebook wall that says that Anna is partially blaming herself for Josh’s issues. It’s easy to think “WTF?” when you read it but it isn’t surprising. She’s been raised to believe that woman serve their men sexually and apparently, between the pregnancies and raising the kids (while he was out raising his flag pole, so to speak) she may not have been serving Josh or may not have been in tune with his needs and issues.

Let’s face it, she’s stuck. She’s in a religion that may shun her if she leaves Josh. That means her family will turn away from her meaning no support there. She and Josh have a covenant marriage which makes it much harder to dissolve and she has a limited education. It’s reported online that she has a degree in Christian Education but let’s be real, that’s going to be a tough one to make money with, no matter what the circumstances.

That’s the real shame here – that she has so few options.  I don’t understand how teaching your daughter to be beholden to a man, is a Christian value. Sure, Jim Bob and Michelle could help out, but if she gets free of Josh, if I would suggest, limiting their influence in her life as well. And if she stands by her man, she will spend her whole life praying he doesn’t wander or molest again.

As Americans, we look around the world and chastise countries and religions for how they treat women but all we have to do is look around and see it exists here as well. Not every American woman has the options we’d hope for them. Today, from my IPod I’ve selected “He Thinks He’ll Keep Her.”  This is a song about a woman who hits the wall in her marriage and gets out.  If only Anna was allowed to listen to this kind of music…

Everyone who knows me well can agree on one thing, if you fall or get hurt near me, I will laugh.  I am a disgrace, as my friend Laura would say. Takes one to know one. 🙂

As we were leaving the fair the other night and walking to the car,  I almost ran into a large piece of wood sticking out from the cargo area of a pickup truck. Sure it had a flag on it, but I wasn’t paying that much attention. While I avoid knocking myself out from hitting the board, I was instantly taken back in time when I witnessed someone doing this and laughed myself sick.

I was going to a seminar for work and it was near Hyannis so I flew in there and my Uncle Tom picked me up. As we were walking to his car, a guy was coming toward us loaded down with luggage. He didn’t notice the large pieces of wood sticking out into his path. He walked full force into them, was knocked back a few steps, dropped his luggage and stood there stunned, rubbing his forehead. My Uncle Tom rushed over to help him. I would have too if I wasn’t doubled over laughing. I pulled myself together after seeing the surprise on Uncle Tom’s face. He didn’t realize I was a disgrace at the time. I helped the guy and then when we got to the car, burst out laughing again. Uncle Tom said “You sure do think that was funny.” Yep

One time, at Laura’s baby shower, there was an incident involving someone walking through a screen door. I was Mother Theresa at the time –helpful, telling the person not to be embarrassed and then, driving home, I almost had to pull to the side of the road, I was laughing so hard. I felt dehydrated from laughing/crying for the entire 90 minute ride home.

I don’t just laugh at everyone else but am quick to laugh at myself as well.  When we were in Jasper a few years ago, we went white water rafting. This was after a 2 hour horse ride earlier in the week and I could hardly sit down. As I was getting out of the raft at the end of the trip, I accidently hit the sore spot on my butt causing me to lose my balance and fall into the water. I was laughing which made it harder to get up and the guide called me clumsy making me laugh even more.

Kathryn is just as awful as I am. My mom was too. My grandmother came for a visit and we were waiting for her at the door. She fell back after slipping in the snow, right at the front steps and my mom and I were in convulsions laughing. When she asked why we were laughing, I said “We thought you were in a wheelchair” which was the stupidest thing ever to say and we laughed even more. I’d better go say a few Hail Marys.

Today I’ve chosen “Wipeout” as the song.  Nothing better than witnessing a great wipeout. I know, I’m a disgrace.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Clr53fWVbTM

I missed posting yesterday because I was at the country fair too late. We stayed to watch a comedic hypnotist. We saw him last year and he was just as good this time. Outside of the shows and rides is the agricultural part of the fair run by none other than the fabulous 4-Her’s that are raising animals and doing all kinds of other activities as part of their 4-H experience. 4-H, is different than most youth development organizations as it partners with 110 universities to provide research-backed and offer life-changing experiences to youth around the world.

A while back I challenged everyone to find what makes your heart sing. What is important to you? The 4-H leaders that I’ve seen know what makes their heart sing. They are tireless mentors to so many kids. They share their knowledge, share their time, resources and share their joy of seeing young people learn, grow and ultimately thrive. They “bleed green” as we like to say here at 4-H.

Today I’m thinking of my friends Liz and Bill, who lost their first born son, Michael, to SIDS. Today would have been Michael’s 24^th birthday. Sometimes, what makes your heart sing, what pulls you to commit so fully to something is thrust upon you. It’s not a choice, at least at first. Liz and Bill have spent countless hours working on fundraising and other events for the Center for Infant and Child Loss (http://www.infantandchildloss.org/).

It would have been easy to walk away some time ago, when their other children were born and their activities were time consuming but they didn’t. They aren’t alone. So many other SIDS parents are still involved years after their own loss. Why? Because they are selfless leaders who found what makes their heart sing – helping others who have suffered a loss and supporting research so one day, SIDS will no longer exist.

So, to Liz and Bill and all the other people I know that have worked to turn a loss or bad situation into a shining example of selfless leadership and dedication, thanks. You inspire me.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ne3cz9eUsQ