About six months ago, Smokey and I were taking a walk when he decided he wasn’t going to go any farther. He does this sometimes. He’ll randomly stop and refuse to move forward yet you can turn around and go a different way and he keeps going. Since he’s almost 14, I try to follow his lead and if he wants to stop, I will, but on this day, I ignored him, hoping he would continue. I wanted to get my steps in. We stood there for about 3 minutes, each ignoring the other and when I finally looked at him and saw the look on his face, a story from my childhood came flooding back.

The story, as I remember it, was that my friend Teri’s grandmother was standing at a cash register paying for something when her underwear fell to her ankles. She calmly stepped out of her underpants and put them in her purse. As Teri and I discussed this event, I remember three things about that story – feeling embarrassed for her, thinking the story was hilarious and wondering when I would be an age where I could do the same.

I spent six months wondering why this story came to mind and I think I’ve finally got it. Smokey has reached the age (somewhere in his 70’s depending the chart you use) that he’s not worrying about wanting to please us. He’s also lost most of his hearing (except for anything that has to do with food), so what he thinks in his mind is the only thing he hears, so that rules. If his underpants fell, he’d step out of them and probably try to eat them with no shame. He’s reached that magical age and time of life that Teri’s grandma was in when her drawers fell.

I’ve been thinking I might have reached that magical age as well. Now that I find myself in my mid-fifties, I’m a bit invisible. Generally, I’m not the oldest nor the youngest in a room.  I’m still Kathryn’s mom, but that’s not my main identity anymore. Societal expectations for me are lower – I’m not supposed to be climbing the corporate ladder at this point in my career. If anything, it’s more like I should be easing down the ladder.  I’m not expected to be the brightest star in the room, that’s for the younger people. I’m not out trying to win friends and influence people, I have my tribe.

The invisibility could be depressing but in truth, I think it’s liberating. Instead of feeling invisible, I feel invincible. I too have reached the stage in life where I’d put those undies in my purse, no problem. I, of course, would first laugh my head off about it probably to the point I couldn’t even pick up the underwear…

Like most modern-day philosophers, I get my most thought-provoking material from memes on social media. If I had to come up with one myself, it would probably be:

“When you can fly under the radar, you can soar.”

This middle-aged-empty-nester world isn’t all that bad. For me it’s been a good time to focus inward, assess and re-direct. There’s no better time to try new things without worry and in general just feel comfortable in your own skin when people aren’t really paying attention to you. Think Pam from “The Office” when at the company’s retreat she walks on the coals. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oEqoL2cuwRk)  It’s that kind of feeling. That kind of invincibility. Time to be the Superhero of my own life. And as for Smokey, well, he continues to show us who’s boss, like we haven’t known he’s been in charge for years.